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 Vanity Fair (A Novel Without a Hero) by William Makepeace Thackeray

Spoiler Alert: Plot Summary

Vanity Fair follows the path of two young ladies in early 19th century British society, Amelia Sedley and Becky Sharp. When we first meet them, they are just being released from 'finishing' school, and Amelia is beloved and Becky delighted to be rid of the place. Becky's parentage is less than desirable for high society (her mother may have been an Opera singer! gasp!) while Amelia's future is all but settled with a young gentleman of excellent parentage, George Osborne. Also in the cast of characters are William (Dob) Dobbin, a good friend of George's from their school days, Joseph Sedley, Amelia's portly brother who is in and out of India being a busy colonizer and whatnot, and Rawdon Crawley, the nephew of a wealthy gentlewoman, Miss Crawley. 

I won't divulge all the dirty details here, as they're far too numerous to share (it was originally published in something like 19 periodical installments) and I don't want to give everything away. But suffice it to say, there are any number of ups and downs, and the fortunes of our two main 'non-heroine' heroines swap places more than once. Marriages take place, children are born (rather silly little boys in this case), and some people (!) die. Most everyone runs out of money at some point, and we have a grand time following the machinations of the inhabitants of Vanity Fair. 

Spoiler Over: Continue Here

Greetings, blob fans! 

  Once again, it has been a long time since I have blobbed. My only excuses are that (1) this is a very long book and (2) I have been slow-walking reaching the end of my second list. I may very well just end up making a new list (lucky YOU!), but until then, I am taking care not to 'blob in a rush'. :)

I had never read Vanity Fair before, and I certainly enjoyed the wit of the narrator. The characters weren't terrible lovable (see subtitle above re: novel sans hero) so that made it a little hard for me to keep motivating myself to come back. I think I would much prefer to have been in 19th century society, reading the book as its installments were released, minus the overt racism and mistreatment of Black people. On to my thoughts!

What or where is Vanity Fair?

I thought Vanity Fair was an idea at first, like "oh you vain Vanity Fair!" but it turns out it is a term that, according to Wikipedia: "originally meant “a place or scene of ostentation or empty, idle amusement and frivolity”—a reference to the decadent fair in John Bunyan's 1678 book, The Pilgrim's Progress." With that in mind, this line makes much more sense. 

• Vanity Fair is a very vain, wicked, foolish place, full of all sorts of humbugs and falsenesses and pretensions. 

I found this line equally cutting, when people would come and go from the story: 

• Who is ever missed in Vanity Fair?

I wanna get serial. serial. 

Also according to the interwebs: It (Vanity Fair) was first published as a 19-volume monthly serial from 1847 to 1848, carrying the subtitle Pen and Pencil Sketches of English Society. Can I politely request that we bring this fad back? I loved reading the HPs as they were released (Rowling TERF-iness notwithstanding) and would be super down to have some chapters drop the way they drop new episodes of Love is Blind. (#noregrets #lovethatshow)

Now I would like to give you some snapshots of each of the characters, starting with our non-heroine heroine, Becky Sharp. 

Becky Sharp

• Nobody cried for leaving her. Lol. RUDE, but also turns out to be quite true. 

• Becky: Revenge may be wicked, but it's natural. I'm no angel. 

• If Mr. Joseph Sedley is rich and unmarried, why should I not marry him? I have only a fortnight, to be sure, but there is no harm in trying.

• On the Napoleonic advance into Belgium: If the worst comes to the worst, my retreat is secure, and I have a right-hand seat in the barouche.

• I have passed beyond it because I have brains, and almost all the rest of the world are fools.

• When attacked sometimes, Becky had a knack of adopting a demure ingénue air, under which she was most dangerous.

• To her husband Rawdon - I have your interests to attend to, as you can't attend to them yourself. I should like to know where you would have been now, and in what sort of a position in society, if I had not looked after you?

• William Dobbin, on Becky - She brings mischief wherever she goes.

That gives you a pretty good picture, methinks. She's a bit of a rascal, and occasionally we sympathize with her, but not terribly often. Let's pivot to her girlhood companion, Amelia.

Amelia Sedley

• Amelia was overpowered by the flash and dazzle and the fashionable talk of her worldly rival. Jee, can you guess who that might be? ;)

• Why did you come between my love and me? To Becky, when it turns out she was flirting HARD with George before he (spoiler!) died in the war.

• Almost all men who came near her loved her; though no doubt they would be at a loss to tell you why. She was not brilliant, nor witty, nor wise overmuch, nor extraordinarily handsome. But wherever she went she touched and charmed every one of the male sex, as invariably as she awakened the scorn and incredulity of her own sisterhood.

So yes, that's Amelia. Eminently.... forgettable. #sorrynotsorry

Here's her hubby: 

George Osborne

• George had an air at once swaggering and melancholy, languid and fierce. He looked like a man who had passions, secrets, and private harrowing griefs and adventures. His voice was rich and deep.

• I can't change my habits. I must have my comforts. I  wasn't brought up on porridge, like MacWhirter, or on potatoes, like old O'Dowd. LOL. I loved this line, when he realizes he will not be super-wealthy if he ends up going forward with his marriage to Amelia. He wasn't brought up on porridge, MMKAY?

• How unworthy he was of her. in reference to Amelia; you can say that again.

Captain Dobbin

• He was so honest, that her arts and cajoleries did not affect him, and he shrank from her with instinctive repulsion.

• She would not see that he loved her. Oh, by the by, Dob is rather hopelessly in love with Amelia. I won't tell you if they end up together or not, but Dob is probably the closest we have to a likable character.

Joseph Sedley

• Warriors may fight and perish, but he must dine.

LOL. #enoughsaid

Rawdon Crawley (jr)

• I dine in the kitchen when I am at home. Oh yes, the unlovable Rebecca Sharp has a baby and proceeds to scorn it for the entirety of his life. He is surprised when he's given the option to dine at the table when they visit relatives, because, as he says, at home he is to dine in the kitchen. Poor dear!

Rawdon Crawley (sr)

• On Becky: He thought with a feeling very like pain how immeasurably she was his superior.

• He did not know how fond he was of the child until it became necessary to let him go away. At least Rawdon jr. gets one parent who loves him!

19th century zingers

The narrator was by far my favorite character. Here are some of (in my opinion) his best lines: 

• In music, in dancing, in orthography, in every variety of embroidery and needlework, she will be found to have realized her friends' fondest wishes. In geography there is still much to be desired. loololololololz

• I know that the tune I am piping is a very mild one (although there are some terrific chapters coming presently)

• It was the author's intention, faithful to history, to depict all the characters of this tale in their proper costumes, as they wore them at the commencement of the century. But when I remember the appearance of people in those days, I have not the the heart to disfigure my heroes and heroines by costumes so hideous; and have, on the contrary, engaged a model of rank dressed according to the present fashion. hagh!

• We must now take leave of Arcadia, and those amiable people practicing the rural virtues there, and travel back to London, to inquire what has become of Miss Amelia. 'We don't care a fig for her', writes some unknown correspondent with a pretty little handwriting and a pink seal to her note. 'She is fade and insipid.' haghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghaghagh

• Every reader of a sentimental turn (and we desire no other) so great. so spicy.

On actual red tape

Okay, so I already knew that our current term 'cutting through red tape' was a reference to actual red tape that had to be cut through, not just metaphorical bureaucracy, but it was still fun to read it here!

The old gentleman's eyes were wandering as he spoke, and he was thinking of something else, as he sat thrumming on his papers and fumbling at the worn red tape.

On recommending a governess, should you require one

 This description was fantastic, and also, can we please talk about how women (white women) were expected to know like a bazillion things but also had essentially no power or professions, outside of being a governess or a wife? Like yes, honey, please do the dishes, and also, before you do that, just tutor our son in constitutional law, mmkay?

Either of these young ladies is perfectly qualified to instruct in Greek, Latin, and the rudiments of Hebrew; in mathematics and history; in Spanish, French, Italian, and geography; in music, vocal and instrumental; in dancing, without the aid of a master; and in the elements of natural sciences. In the use of the globes both are proficients. In addition to these, Miss Tuffin, who is daughter of the late Reverend Thomas Tuffin (Fellow of Corpus College, Cambridge), can instruct in the Syriac language, and the elements of constitutional law. But as she is only eighteen years of age, and of exceedingly pleasing personal appearance, perhaps this young lady may be objectionable in Sir Huddleston Fuddleston's family. 

 Miss Letitia Hawky, on the other hand, is not personally well-favored. She is twenty-nine; her face is much pitted with the small pox. She has a halt in her gait, red hair, and a trifling obliquity of vision.  OH YES, we'd much prefer the ill-favored Miss Hawky, lest anyone get too excited by Miss Tuffin!

Predicting snapchat

There ought to be a law in Vanity Fair ordering the destruction of every written document after a certain brief and proper interval... The best ink for Vanity Fair use would be one that faded utterly in a couple of days, and left the paper clean and blank, so that you might write on it to somebody else. So basically Thackeray predicted snapchat. ;)

On debt

• Everybody in Vanity Fair must have remarked how well those live who are comfortably and thoroughly in debt; how they deny themselves nothing; how jolly and easy they are in their minds. Rawdon and Becky are continuously in debt, and aside from a brief stint in debtor's prison for Rawdon (from which Becky does not rush to save him, I am sad to say) they are largely unscathed by it. There's even a chapter amusing titled "How to live well on nothing a year". It reminded me of the parties in debtor's prison in several Dickens novels. 

Referents and Reverberations

Gretna Green - Becky and Rawdon run off to Gretna Green for their secret marriage, and I have to think it was something of a 19th century Las Vegas, since it comes up often in Austen novels when people are running off to be married on the double. 

Sackville-Bagginses - the ongoing feud between the various Crawleys and Pitt-Crawleys and this line in particular: "what the deuce can she find in that spooney of a Pitt Crawley?" for some reason put me in mind of the Sackville-Baggins clan at the end of the Lord of the Rings.

Spinster women - this passage about Jane Osborne, George's unmarried sister, reminded me of several sections of The Good Earth where the woman of the house cared for and tended to every last need of the men of the house. 

She had to get up of black winter's mornings to make breakfast for her scowling old father, who would have turned the whole house out of doors if his tea had not been ready at half-past eight. She remained silent opposite to him, listening to the urn hissing, and sitting in tremor while the parent read his paper and consumed his accustomed portion of muffins and tea.

But surely they were not thinking you would give them money? This line made me think of the introduction to Sense and Sensibility, when the brother and his wife continuously negotiate downward the amount of support they will give to the Dashwood women. 

Pitt Crawley thought he would do something for his brother, and then he thought he would think about it some other time

Words that were new to me:

amanuensis - a literary or artistic assistant, in particular one who takes dictation or copies manuscripts

lazzaroni - one of the homeless idlers of Naples who live by chance work or begging.

nabob - a Muslim official or governor under the Mogul empire; a person who returned from India to Europe with a fortune.

rack-punch - a mixed alcoholic punch made with a black liquor called arrack, a form of rum produced in Asia, distilled from the sap of palm trees. (this is a bit of a guess, but it does seem fit the picture with Joseph having returned from India recently)

Semiramis - Semiramis was the mythological Lydian-Babylonian wife of Onnes and Ninus, who succeeded the latter to the throne of Assyria, as in the fables of Movses Khorenatsi

stanhope - a light open horse-drawn carriage for one person, with two or four wheels.

vilipending - regarding as worthless or of little value; speaking slightingly or abusively of

wherry - a large light barge

Phrases we should start saying (pretty pretty please?)

• Are you in your senses?

• Mofy! Is that your snum? I'll gully the dag and bimbole the clicky in a snuffkin. 

• Nuffle your clod, and beladle your glumbanions. (I am particularly fond of this one.)

• No candles after 11 o'clock, Miss Becky - Go to bed in the dark, you pretty little hussy!

• My rascals are no milk-and-water rascals, I promise you.

• A tempest in a slop-basin is absurd. (the MOST absurd!)

Lines I liked:

• The world is a looking-glass, and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face.

• Are not there little chapters in everybody's life, that seem to be nothing, and yet affect all the rest of the history? 

• We will reserve that sort of thing for the mighty ocean and the lonely midnight.

• Who has not seen a woman hide the dullness of a stupid husband, or coax the fury of a savage one?

• To how many people can one tell all?

Well, blob friends, it has been a pleasure! I'll leave you with a few of my favorite lines: 

And as we bring our characters forward, I will ask leave, as a man and a brother, not only to introduce them, but occasionally to step down from the platform, and talk about them: if they are good and kindly, to love them and shake them by the hand; if they are silly, to laugh at them confidentially in the reader's sleeve; if they are wicked and heartless, to abuse them in the strongest terms which politeness admits of. 

Miss Crawley, on hearing that Becky has run off to Gretna Green in the night: Gracious goodness, and who's to make my chocolate? Send for her and have her back; I desire that she come back.  Honestly, who will make my chocolate?!  

Ah! Vanitas Vanitatum! which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? or, having it, is satisfied? -come, children, let us shut up the box and the puppets, for our play is played out.

This play is all played out, so we're off to the mighty ocean and the lonely midnight. Don't forget to nuffle your clod, and beladle your glumbanions! And no candles after 11 o'clock, you hear! 

I'm off to the Bend in the River. Keep safe, keep faith, good night!